4. For question #2, what did you do differently from the original post? Please outline, explain and justify what you changed & why. Essentially, what did you learn from this new topic and what did you change and why. (8 Marks)
There are many things I did differently from the original post to ensure that it hit the components of plain English writing, included the F pattern and important visuals.
First image
I placed an image above the title and introduction so that I could use this as a visual hook. We learnt that “a picture is worth a thousand words.” (Briscoe, W9 – The Power of Visual Content(W25).pdf, Slide 5) I did this so I could grab the reader’s attention and create a connection with pet owners prior to them consuming any text-based content. This reinforces what my brand is about.
Title:
Original: “Welcome to The Furever Tag: Perfectly Crafted Personalized Pet Tags”
New: “Personalized Pet Tags – Welcome to The Furever Tag”
I decided to change the headline to make it more clear, engaging and informative to the reader. Moving the “Personalized pet tags” to the front of the headline immediately tells readers what my blog is about. We learnt that the “1st two words are important.” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 27). The reader can expect that the content will be talking about personalized pet tags just by reading this. The original headline was much longer so simplifying the message without dumbing it down ensures that its more direct and skimmable. Since in class we learnt that “readers skim a page from left to right” (Briscoe, Lecture, January 22, 2025) I wanted to make sure that the key phrase was right at the beginning, so it becomes more effective and valuable to my audience.
Introduction (subtitle):
Original: “At The Furever Tag, we understand that your furry companion is more than a pet, they’re family. We’re dedicated to creating the highest quality, personalized pet identification tags that provide uniqueness and safety for every pet. Each Furever Tag is hand-crafted with love and precision to ensure your dog looks amazing while staying safe”
New: “At The Furever Tag, we understand your pet is part of the family. That’s why we create high-quality, personalized pet identification tags to keep them safe and stylish.”
My original introduction seemed too wordy and complex. The new version simplifies the message that my brand carries personalized pet identification tags dedicated to the pet and the owner. This core idea is intact, and the new version eliminates any long, dreading sentences. Since we learnt that plain language in a nutshell uses “short sentences” (Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 22) I wanted to Implement this so that readers are able to grasp the content faster especially for those who skim content. The F-Pattern taught us that “users are scanning for information; make it easy for them.” This is exactly what I did by taking sentences such as “looks amazing while staying safe” to “safe and stylish.” Its more appealing in a concise way and doesn’t confuse the reader with any filer words.
Subheading:
Original: “Why Your Pet Deserves a Furever Tag”
New: “Why Your Pet Needs a Furever Tag”
I slightly changed the first subhead because the original version was a little longer and the new version seemed stronger and persuasive because “needs” gives the reader urgency and “deserves” doesn’t really evoke that feeling. We learnt that “subheads break up the page” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 30) which is why I still wanted to include thus subhead but change it to fit the characteristics of Plain English writing. This aligns with plain English writing by making the subtitle clear because “everyone appreciates clarity.” (Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 14).
Bullet List (Feature descriptions)
Bullet list #1
Original: “Unique as Your Dog is: A one-of-a-kind pet deserves something one-of-a-kind to hold onto. Our ID tags allow customization to match your dog’s personality from unique shapes and designs to fun and vibrant colours.”
New: “Made Just for Them: Choose from many unique shapes, fun colours and personalized engraving to match your dog’s personality.”
I changed this bullet list to be more concise and less repetitive. The phrase “one-of-a-kind pet deserves something one-of-a-kind to hold onto” seemed repetitive. The new version gets to the point and respects the reader’s time. The appeal of plain language is that “it’s more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘what about lunch?’” (Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 17). The message was stretched out in the original version so making the message short, snappy and to the point will benefit my readers time by making it easier to grasp. This elimates any fluff and keeps my blog fresh and engaging while still implementing the F-Pattern by using a bullet list, it “makes it easier to scan for the reader” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 31) and my list creates a more user-friendly experience.
Bullet list #2
Original: “Built to Last Forever: We believe in a high standard of quality to keep your pet’s ID tag durable, strong and legible over time. Every tag is crafted from premium materials to ensure that every piece of information stays polished and legible for a lifetime.”
New: “Built to Last: We create each Furever Tag from premium materials to ensure the information on your tag stays clear and readable over time.”
I decided to change this second part in my bullet list because the original one was very wordy and seemed repetitive. The phrase “built to last forever” seemed redundant because if I’m saying my tags are built to last this automatically means forever so I realized I didn’t need to include the word “forever” at the end. This way my words became simple and conveyed the message clearly without repetition. I was also over explaining the durability behind my tags, so I made sure the new version got right to the point without wasting time. We learnt that it’s important to avoid “excess words” (Briscoe, W8 – C – Effective Web Content in Plain Language (W25).pdf, Slide 36) because in the end the user will just be confused. I decided to shift my mindset and think of how people prefer concise communication over countless words. We know that you can’t write the same online as in print because of “physical difficulty” and “attention span.” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 6). To adhere to this, I focused on the primary benefit of my tags and included only the relevant details.
Bullet list #3
Original: “Lifetime Warranty: Our pet ID tags are made to be a one-time investment, that’s why we offer a lifetime warranty. We will replace any damaged tags because your pet’s safety should never compromised.”
New: “Lifetime Warranty: If a tag gets damaged, we’ll replace it for you!”
I changed this third part in my bullet list because I wanted to clearly communicate my lifetime warranty value. Again, this seemed redundant because “our pet ID tags are made to be a one-time investment.” Clearly if I’m talking about a warranty, I’m implying that even if something happens a tag will always have a long-term protection as a product benefit. We learnt to “omit unneeded words” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 3) and to “only include critical information” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 5). My new phrase is clear and actionable and takes away excess information. I didn’t want them to be confused by information that isn’t essential to know, because all they need to know is the immediate benefit of the warranty. This makes my content easier to digest and will hopefully add a layer of trust between my brand and the reader.
Second Image
Adding a second image helps break up the text of my blog. I wanted to keep the engagement of my blog high before jumping into the “why” behind a Furever Tag. Studies show that “40% of people will respond better to visual information than pain text.” (Briscoe, W9 – The Power of Visual Content(W25).pdf, Slide 4) Visuals make a difference in our writing and can enhance the idea behind it.
Subheading – Built for Pet Parents Who Care About Quality:
I decided to keep this subheading the same because it clearly described what readers could consume next and it aligned with my blogs structure.
Supporting Body text
Original: “If you’re a pet parent who values quality, uniqueness and your pet’s protection, then The Furever Tag is for you! Designed to invest into your pet’s well-being, we offer a project that combines functionality and style”
New: “If you value quality, safety, and style, The Furever Tag is for you! Our tags keep your pet secure and add a touch of style.”
I changed this supporting body text since in the old version the headline was part of the first couple words of the sentence and that seemed repetitive. I also included vague phrases in the original version that I didn’t realize such as “designed to invest into your pet’s well-being.” When reading this it didn’t communicate a clear benefit to my readers because I’m not necessary saying how a Furever Tag would help them. My new version clearly highlights the benefit of my products and clearly focuses on safety and style. Overall, its more direct and more inviting. We learnt that “plain language is clear, concise, organized, and appropriate for the intended audience.” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Plain Language Writing Tips(W25).pdf, Slide 2). By simplifying the language and maintaining a clear goal, I was able to structure this sentence much more efficiently so that the value of the product was communicated and not just unnecessary words.
Bullet List (How it works)
I kept the “how it works” subheading the same but changed the bullet list.
Original:
“How it works:
• Pick your Tag: Choose your perfect tag from our range of customizable ID tags including the Original Paw ID Tag, Silent ID Tag, Astro Paw ID Tag or the Glow in the Dark ID Tag.
• Make it Your Own: Personalize your tag to match your dog’s personality, add their name, contact information and anything else that makes it truly your special to your remarkable pup.
• Leave the rest to us: Once your tag is customized to your liking, we will ensure that with care it will safely and quickly arrive to you.”
New:
“How it works
• Pick Your Tag – Choose your favourite tag from the Original Paw ID Tag to the Silent ID Tag.
• Customize It – Personalize your tag with your pet’s name, contact information and a fun message.
• We’ll Handle the Rest – Your tag is crafted with care and shipped quickly.”
This bullet list section is much more concise and easier for users to scan because I got rid of ongoing fluff in my sentences. “Good web writing is concise, scannable, well structured, authentic” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 2). The original version did not meet these characteristics after looking at it and reading it over. I broke it into shorter bullet points because these lists “breaks up copy” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Introduction to Internet content writing (W25).pdf, Slide 31). and overall, it improved the readability dramatically. We learnt that it’s important to “write for your reader, not yourself.” (Briscoe, W3 – B – Plain Language Writing Tips(W25).pdf, Slide 2). Before learning plain English writing, I think I was writing for myself, but I had to remind myself that people want to know what’s important to them and they do not need to know everything because our job is to make it easier and make them want to continue reading.
Subheading – Shop with Confidence
This subheading is short, clear and engaging so I decided to keep it the same because it communicated value of shopping without a worry.
Supporting Body text
Original: “Experience a worry free shopping experience with your pet’s safety and your peace of mind as our priority. We will ensure that every detail is taken care of from designing, crafting to testing. The Furever Tag will help you find the perfect ID tag for your beloved companion”
New: “You can trust The Furever Tag to keep your pet safe and stylish wherever they go. Their well-being is our top priority, which is why every tag is designed with care. Our simple process makes shopping stress-free, so your pet gets their tag quickly, and you can focus on what matters most.”
From the original post I made the new supporting body text clear by removing overly complex phrases and focused on simplicity around my message. Instead of saying “experience a worry-free shopping experience” I just used the words “stress free” which communicated the same value and was more concise. When learning about what is plain language, the first thing we were taught is that its “clear, concise, and correct.” (Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 3). The idea behind our content should be clear and not confusing. No one likes having to go back and ask themselves what they just read. Knowing users scan, these short and clear sentences can do a better job at communicating their value. We never want to be “avoiding all technical words” or be “unprofessional, disrespectful, or inaccurate.” (Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 21) we want to communicate value, immediately so people can feel good about what they are reading. The old version included a lot of details and felt like I wasn’t talking directly to my readers. We learnt that less is more and that by using direct phrasing I’m really talking to my readers using words like “you” and “your” more often.
Third Image
I decided to incorporate a final image at the end with a woman hugging her dog to reinforce having a dog and loving them as part of the family. This reassures the reader that my tags are built to give a dog a safe and happy lifestyle. Studies show that “90% of information transmitted to the brain is visual.” (Briscoe, W9 – The Power of Visual Content(W25).pdf, Slide 4) This comes to show how much visuals can make a difference in our writing.
CTA
“Give your pet safety and style with a Furever Tag! Learn more at thefurevertag.com”
Lastly, I decided to add a call to action. I did this because I wanted to encourage the user to take a next step because without one, I felt like they had no idea where to go or what to do next. This CTA is clear and direct and lets me connect with my users. We learnt that it’s important to “use persuasive language that includes benefits, emotions and calls to action to motivate your audience.” (Briscoe, W8 – Writing Website Copy & Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, slide 27). it’s important to guide our audience and make it easy for them.
Overall, I learnt that headlines, subheadings and scalability matter for the F-Pattern and that shorter sentences and more direct words help with Plain English Writing. These characteristics are what helped me navigate changes from my original post to my new post.